Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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