lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize