Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
