There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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