I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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