they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
