Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Randomize
