I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Can I color on your dick again?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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