Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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