You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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