So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
