I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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