you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
