Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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