my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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