I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
