Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
