Duck Duck Cougar?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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