ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
