Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
