ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
