Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
