A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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