Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
