wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
