she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
