I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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