2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize