I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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