i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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