How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
