you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
