I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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