Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(330): View more from Ohio

I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I feel like abortions should bother me more

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.

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(480): View more from Arizona

He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed

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(206): View more from Washington

Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.

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(817): View more from Texas

Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!

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(803): View more from South Carolina

My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.

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(518): View more from New York

My purse is full of condoms and money.

(1-518): View more from New York

I like where this is going...

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(618): View more from Illinois

God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.

(1-618): View more from Illinois

I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.

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