And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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