In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize