She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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