Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
