please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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