On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
