You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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