dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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