I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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