so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
