i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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