I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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