I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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