never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
They are going to name an STD after you.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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