I'm eating all of the evidence.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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