I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
