I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
