Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
