I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
