I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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