New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I have aggressive nipples.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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