i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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