About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
