she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My life is pants optional.
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