Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
