??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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