Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
