i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
