Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
