i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
