they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
