PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
