I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
