There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
