dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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