I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
