just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
