Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
zippers are such a cool invention
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
