Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
