My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize