i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
