So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
