Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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