Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
