This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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