you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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